Loving step-children

Some people get married to partners who already have one or more children with another person and consequently, have thrust on them the joint responsibility of raising  "another person's child".

They may feel uncertain with regards to where their responsibility begins or ends as a step-parent, especially if there is a difficult child involved.

Most people have a negative relationship with step- children not necessarily because they are bad people who do not care, but in my opinion, I feel this is because they resent the difficult position this uncertainty has put them, and this resentment gets transferred to the child hence the constrained relationship.

You see my friend, our reactions to issues of life generally is determined by our perceptions of life, this is to say  how we see and interpret the world around us, make us act the way we do.

 

Seeing your partner's child as another person's child in the first instance will definitely impact on how well you are able to establish a relationship with the child.  

I like to believe love exist  between you and your partner and this is the basis for your marriage in the first place. Yes?

Good, so now that we have established that I can say that because you love your partner, you feel a need or more like an obligation to protect and take care of everything theirs, because you want what is best for them and also believe what is theirs is yours.

 

Continuing in this line of thought, I can safely say your partner's child is not "another person's child" but your child and so the key to loving step-children might just be learning how to accept them 100% as yours.

 

Now, do not expect to be automatically accepted, because you have accepted them, children have a natural tendency to be loyal to biological parents and you will have to prove yourself to gain their trust.

 

The reason why I want you thinking in line of what is your partner's is yours, is because it makes you more accommodating and tolerant of the child.

 

You are the responsible adult, you have to do the 100% accepting.

 

Here are a few tips that might help you deal better and have a positive relationship with your step children;

Do not force their acceptance of you, let the bonding happen naturally.

 

Be seen as a person of integrity who can be trusted and looked up to.

 

Do not parade yourself as a replacement, but simply let them know you are an extra help available if they need one.

 

Do not try to interfere in their relationship  with a biological parent, never criticize the actions of their biological parent.

 

Be open and genuine in your relationship with them, let them know that as a step parent, you have responsibilities towards them and so, it is your duty to ensure what is best for them.

 

If you have your own children, never show favouritism as this will cause tension and divide the family.

 

When it comes to discipline , be a responsible adult, treat them as you would your biological child, because your partner's child is not "another person's child" but your child too.